These stories started off as a standalone short,
meant to be a one off tale that sparked unexpected interest. Got a few
comments and request about wanting more, and so here we are! "Series"
with feature recurring characters, themes, and an expanding world that
continues to unfold, one story at a time. Also yes, this series does feature the actual meetfighters site.
Journal Entry #2 – February 17, 2024
I’ve been thinking a lot about that fight. How I was forced into it, for reasons I still don't know. How it was my first fight ever really. Been thinking long and hard about it. More than I probably should. It’s been sitting on my chest like a weight I can’t shift. Not that I would really want to. You see all this, it's not in a bad way. It's all more like a memory I keep coming back to, reliving it, pressing on it, testing how it makes me feel. Is that weird? Normal? I don't know, but as my generation is ever so fond of saying... it is, what it is. I told my therapist I’ve been journaling (is that a word?) about the fight, about how it made me feel physically and mentally. She thought it was progress. I didn’t mention everything.... I don't think I can yet. I have no idea how they would react if they knew I enjoyed it in the end. I don’t know why I like it. It’s not sexual, at least not yet. It may very well become that, but it's just... well I don't know what it is. Maybe that's why I keep writing you know? It’s just... something in the force of the blow, the way my body braces and absorbs it, the way it breaks me down in the end, empties me out. Like it resets something. But to really understand it all, I needed to be sure it wasn’t a one off fluke. Some bs misfire of my brain or some other techno babble explanation.
I’ve been thinking a lot about that fight. How I was forced into it, for reasons I still don't know. How it was my first fight ever really. Been thinking long and hard about it. More than I probably should. It’s been sitting on my chest like a weight I can’t shift. Not that I would really want to. You see all this, it's not in a bad way. It's all more like a memory I keep coming back to, reliving it, pressing on it, testing how it makes me feel. Is that weird? Normal? I don't know, but as my generation is ever so fond of saying... it is, what it is. I told my therapist I’ve been journaling (is that a word?) about the fight, about how it made me feel physically and mentally. She thought it was progress. I didn’t mention everything.... I don't think I can yet. I have no idea how they would react if they knew I enjoyed it in the end. I don’t know why I like it. It’s not sexual, at least not yet. It may very well become that, but it's just... well I don't know what it is. Maybe that's why I keep writing you know? It’s just... something in the force of the blow, the way my body braces and absorbs it, the way it breaks me down in the end, empties me out. Like it resets something. But to really understand it all, I needed to be sure it wasn’t a one off fluke. Some bs misfire of my brain or some other techno babble explanation.
So I went online.
If I went to a bar, club, park or something public it could have ended in a bad way. Public humiliations you know? At least online I can search, research and the like without being judged... yet. And you know what? It worked! Sure you're probably going to think I'm insane (I'm still not sure if I am or not) but, I found a site, “Meet Fighters.” Yeah, I laughed too. But it was surprisingly, to me at least... normal. Sure it was literal real people looking for real matches, but there was no judgement, no questioning, just accepting who you are and what you wanted. Some guys were looking for sport, some to play out a fantasy they had, some to find themselves, and some for other reasons. It just clicked, felt right, so I made a profile. Kept it honest: average build, 5’11”, some body hair, not looking to be seriously hurt, just curious about body shots. Sure I wasn't impressive, but I was trying.
A guy named Rick messaged me within a day.